Starting fresh, struggling, and being a hypocrite

I'm sure you've all heard the phrase "Do as I say, not what I do"?  Well that's pretty much been me the past few years.

I always tell my kids to follow their dreams, to create their own self worth, and never let a bully tear them down, etc, etc.  The thing is I wasn't following my own wonderful advice.  Not in the slightest.

I think once upon a time I used to enjoy blogging.  After all, my biggest, grandest, wildest dream is to be an author.  I would post funny anecdotes from our days, share pictures of my kids growing faces, and generally just share my life with anyone who fancied a read.  I'm pretty sure I can remember the exact moment that things shifted… Someone pointed me in the direction of a place where there were quite a few hurtful comments written about me, and my blog.  I remember thinking that what they said wasn't even true.  I was being accused of lying about incidents relating to the birth of one of my kids.  This person quoted that they too lived in Canada and what I wrote about something medical wasn't true and I must by lying to be dramatic.  What I had written was true, and just because things are done one way in one part of Canada does not mean it's done the same in another part.  It really stung to be torn down by people who didn't know me, or anything about the situation.

People can be SO cruel.  "Keyboard Bravado" as I like to call it.  People will say and do the worst things imaginable because they don't say it directly to that person's face.  There is no empathy because they aren't there to see how their words can damage the person.  They type, forget, and move on.  But for the person on the receiving end it's sometimes not so easy.

I remember my first few videos for Two Peas that I made.  I was naively so excited to share them, and was not prepared for the hate that would come my way on youtube.  Can you imagine meeting someone in person for the first time and saying to their face "Wow, you talk funny".  And honestly, that's me putting it nicely.  ;)  Why do people feel they can type these things?  I don't get it!  Grown women who should *know* better.  Mothers, who I'm sure teach their children to act better than that for some reason stoop lower with keyboard bravado.  I don't get it.  Does the golden rule just not apply on the internet?! :(

Anyhow, I digress.  I think I've made my point.  As said above, I had become nothing.  I let it get to me, and I let it change me.  I decided to keep things strictly "paper" here.  Gone were posts about my family other than a tiny blurb here or there.  I put a screeching halt to anything other than my work required posts.  Eventually even that changed.  My love for blogging wasn't there anymore so I would put thing off, and off.  Then this fall when I got even sicker I couldn't find the energy to post.  At all, which has made me extremely sad.

I suffer from Fibromyalgia, and with that a whole slew of other "fun" things that have come with it.  The problem with having a disorder like Fibro is that other things can get hidden under the Fibro umbrella and go undiagnosed.  Fatigue goes hand in hand with Fibro so I never questioned why I had zero energy, why It was a struggle to function properly and get out of bed.  Thankfully I went to my doctor for something else and mentioned how bad it was.  A quick blood test revealed I was anemic and the best description I've read of that likens it to suffocating from the inside.  I truly was.


It's been a few months of pills and I'm finally starting to see the light again.  I remember one day saying to my husband "Is this what it feels like to be normal?!".  It had been so long since I'd felt that way.  My desire to do things is slowly coming back.  I want to garden again, I want to blog, and go for my daily walks that pretty much stopped.  I want to live again.

I'm ready to change.

So I think the bottom line for this blog is that I want to be more active.  I want to share more about our lives.  I want to share more crafty things, and I want to share about another newer love of mine, and that is board games, and NO I'm not talking Monopoly, Sorry, Life, and Candyland.  If these are the games you think of when I say boardgames and what you still play with you kids, I'm excited to share a new world with you.  You don't have to dread your kids asking to play a board game anymore.  I promise.  There is life after Monopoly and it is so so good. :) :) :)  That I will save for another day I think though.

I have some living to do right now. ;)

Oh, and something crafty to share too!  I made these for the October Afternoon blog.
See the fun challenge here!

Happy Friday my friends :)